To 'maid' or not to 'maid' that is the question....

I rolled out of bed this morning feeling pretty good. Had a wonderful evening chatting with a friend until almost midnight with a tummy full of yummy Mexican food. Truly, not a bad evening. The dirty dishes were piled everywhere, crusts from Munchkin #2's breakfast were still sitting on the counter, and a few fruit flies were frolicking in their paradise of leftover bits. There's fluffy balls of doggie fur in the corners, I still have two empty moving cartons that need to be hauled out, and there's a smorgasbord of crumbs under the table. And yet, I'd rather live in this mess or [gasp/horror/cringe] just clean it myself. I have zero desire to hire a live-in maid.

I know of a only a few mums in the four years I've been here in this region who really did have a wonderful working relationship with the women they'd hire as maids. When everyone is happy, it is awesome. But in my four years of experience, it's rare.

Now I must admit, I did have help a number of years back. I had two kids in diapers, I was working, I was going to graduate school, and the husband and I were working in separate cities maintaining both a house and a flat. I paid a fellow mum (she needed extra cash to pay for her daughter's dance lessons) to come in and help me clean the house twice a month. It was awesome. She made the extra money she needed, and I got the extra help I desperately needed.

Now, living where I live, I have friends and acquaintances constantly pressuring me into 'getting a maid'. Ok. 'Getting a maid'? It sounds like we're going out to pick up a new pet at a shelter or something. I was sitting around with a group of other mums a few week back, and they all were saying, "Oh come on! Get a maid! You'll love it!" A very good friend of mine piped up, "Sheesh you guys. You sound like a bunch of teenagers trying to pressure her into trying a joint or something." Spot on my friend - that's how I felt.

I could never afford to pay someone an actual living wage to help me clean so why would I expect another woman to come live in my little box of a 'maid's room' and work for practically nothing? (Not to mention that 'room' makes the perfect place to store all our sports gear!) People say, "Oh, having a maid is so much help!" Oh, really? So hiding their passport while you travel, locking your fridge, locking up all your jewelry, and worrying about all kinds of new things so you can 'have a maid' is just so much help? I'm not into 'keeping humans'.

I hear so many women speak about the ladies they employ as maids like these women were dogs. "You can't let her go out at night! She'll get pregnant!" "I search her room while she's gone to make sure she's not hiding anything." "I have to keep an eye on her to make sure she's cleaning like I taught her." Golly gee ladies, sounds like 'so much help' to me. You pay someone a non-living wage and then you're surprised when they steal? You control their every movement and you're surprised when the run away?

To all flies, ants and cockroaches - the buffet is laid. I don't 'have a maid'.

Peace.

Postscript - Many thanks to The Linoleum Surfer for the awesome post that was the genesis for my rant. http://thelinoleumsurfer.blogspot.com/2011/06/housemaids-declared-human.html

So ready to give the brain a break

I am so very ready to let my brain have a break. Now some of you may think that my brain is half baked most of the time anyway. But, truly folks, I'm in dire need of a holiday.

The microcosm that is my munchkins' school is an unusually tolerant place. I love the fact that my kids have friends that if they were all packed into our family room at the same time my family room would look like a miniature UN. But, I had a recent experience that left me a bit frustrated and raw. I'm hoping that by writing about it, I can finally be at peace with it.

A bit of background on me first. I own several abayas; I own a massive collection of 'head scarves'. Do I always wear these items? No, I do not. But, I have a deep respect for women who do. Why do I own these things? I own them because I have had many times living in the Middle East that they are very nice to have on hand to wear should I need to or I choose to out of respect for the culture in which I find myself. I also need to add in that I do not wish to offend or malign anyone with this post. I simply want to 'put out there' an experience I had in the hopes that somehow it can be used to improve how we teach tolerance. Now, the story....

I had the honor a while back of accompanying a group of students from our school to visit a mosque as part of their Arabic language classes. Now, another bit of explanation - Arabic language classes also teach about 'local' culture. Because we live in a predominantly Muslim country (this is the Middle East!), Islam is very much woven through everyday life here and is thus part of the 'local culture'. I am thrilled that my kids learn about religion and other cultures. If I hope to raise tolerant children, then I must see that they learn about cultures and faiths that are not our own. But, I fear that my recent experience did not teach tolerance.

The teachers had done their best to prepare the students for the visit. Please remember - these kids come from many different backgrounds and their families follow many different faiths. Upon arriving at the mosque, a number of the girls - particularly taller ones or ones who were 'physically developing' a bit early, were pulled out of our group to cover themselves more before entering the mosque. None of these girls had yet reached puberty, were modestly dressed and had their hair covered. For these girls who were singled out, it was an unpleasant experience. One, it was men who were verbally pulling them aside which even to myself - a confident grown woman - was intimidating. Second, these girls already feel 'different' because they are taller or more mature looking than their classmates. Even though the teachers had tried to prepare the students that these kinds of things may happen because a certain level of clothing is required when entering a mosque (and certain mosques in particular), we still had girls in tears. I deeply worry that these girls did not leave with an appreciation of the place they had visited. As a mum who is frequently used to herd children on field trips etc...I did what I could to comfort these girls. I tried to draw their attention to the physical beauty of the place. I asked them to try using their Arabic skills to attempt reading the writing that was incorporated into the architecture that was around them since I can only read a few Arabic letters. [I must add that our guide was impressed with the Arabic reading level of the students. Kudos to the Arabic teachers!]

I still marvel that non-Muslims are allowed in some mosques for special tours - I think it's great. If tolerance is to be taught, then 'open minds and open doors' are a very good thing. But, teaching religion is tricky. How do we teach about religion and how humans differ from one another in terms of culture without causing harm? What could have been done differently so that these girls were not in tears? I have a few thoughts/ideas that I will be sharing with next year's Arabic teachers - at least about future field trips to specific places. But, again, how do we teach tolerance? I wish I had the answer, but I am certainly looking for it.

Peace.

Squeamish? Yes.

First, I read a deeply deeply disturbing article in National Geographic this month on child brides. Please - go read it. Yes, it's horrid but only through education can this horrible practice be stopped.

Second, what is with petrol? http://af.reuters.com/article/energyOilNews/idAFLDE7560J320110607?pageNumber=1&virtualBrandChannel=0 It appears that Abu Dhabi and most of Dubai are fine, but many of the other emirates, particularly Sharjah, are running out of fuel. Loads of bloggers etc are asking, "Why?" TheNational newspaper printed in the UAE has been running excellent coverage of this if you'd like to go read.

Yes, this second topic makes me squeamish. But of course, not nearly as much as the first topic.

Peace.

International Arms Trade Treaty? Is Obama really saying no more guns?

The husband needed to make a visa trip to a local consulate so....I got to stay in my pj's this morning. Thus, I've had time to sip my morning coffee, read and write. Thanks husband! You so rock!

Politics coming your way....get ready........it may really offend you......

I read this earlier. The blog was very recently published:
http://blogs.forbes.com/larrybell/2011/06/07/u-n-agreement-should-have-all-gun-owners-up-in-arms/2/

Now, after reading Mr. Bell's article, I got to wondering, again. First, I must tell you, I smelled a whiff of this before when a story similar to this was floating around via a chain email. But, with the stench of American politics in the air (yes, I do enjoy rolling around in it...but that's another subject...), I decided to do a bit of light reading.

First, I went and read the bit published by the UN dated 26 October 2006 titled "INTERNATIONAL ARMS TRADE TREATY AIM OF DRAFT RESOLUTION

APPROVED BY DISARMAMENT COMMITTEE

Seven More Texts Recommended to General Assembly;
Comprehensive Nuclear-Test-Ban Treaty, Small Arms Among Issues Addressed" [Sorry, that didn't cut-n-paste so well.] Here's the link: http://www.un.org/News/Press/docs/2006/gadis3335.doc.htm A few things to draw your attention to. First, this was 'published' during the Bush era. Second, the US had loads of 'no way' looking type votes as part of this. For example, "The Committee also approved a draft on the illicit trade in small arms and light weapons in all its aspects by a vote of 172 in favour to 1 against (United States)." I can blog all I want about this, but you just gotta go read the whole thing for yourself to really understand it.

Ok. Next, I went and read what was being said elsewhere in the press about this. Was this old news or new news? http://www.bloomberg.com/apps/news?pid=newsarchive&sid=abkyS4.975YM I found this article dated 30 October 2009. It's looking like it's old news to me. Sniff, sniff, sniff....whew? Can you smell the American politics? I better go put some old clothes on, 'cause I'm fixin' to go rollin' in it. I'm smelling that maybe Mr. Bell has a political agenda?

It was now time for me to check with some folks who love to dig around in this stuff. Have a read:
http://www.factcheck.org/2009/12/international-gun-ban-treaty/ Folks, this is old news. And further, US Secretary of State Hillary Clinton is not an idiot. Former US Secretary of State Condoleezza Rice was not an idiot either. But, these two exceptional ladies work(ed) for presidents with very different approaches to foreign policy. In my opinion, Bush never really negotiated stuff - it was just vote 'No'. Obama, on the other hand, will 'negotiate' rather than just vote 'No'. Now, if you have ever negotiated anything in a country that is used to haggling, than you know that you stand firm but keep talking. If you just say 'No' and walk away, than you are not giving the other party a chance to 'save face' and discuss things so that they feel like they are getting a good deal. You've got to talk; you've got to listen. But, that doesn't mean you ain't gonna get what you want in the end. And, it looks so much better to the rest of the world than just voting 'No'.

This stuff is not simple. There's a reason (if you live in the States) that you were forced to study U.S. History and Government in school. It was a brave attempt to prepare you to vote, to be part of a vibrant democracy. If you are one of the ones who (to quote from FactCheck.org, "Nevertheless, a Gallup poll in October found that 41 percent of all Americans and 52 percent of gun owners believe that Obama will try to ban the sale of guns. And people are acting on these beliefs: A run on ammunition has created shortages for sport shooters, and FBI background checks, required of most would-be gun purchasers, were up 25 percent in the first five months of 2009 compared with a year earlier" than clearly you need to read more. Obama can not take away guns. He can't change the US Constitution. And, seriously, do really think really hard core gun control laws would have a prayer of passing in the current political climate in the States? Do you really think there are Democrats who would help pass hard core gun control laws? Seriously? I don't think so folks. Sniff, sniff, sniff.....

Peace.

The Ugly Side

I can't remember if I've ever written about this, but I feel it's an important story to share.

I just read an extraordinary blog post:
http://thelinoleumsurfer.blogspot.com/2011/05/arabs-got-prostitution.html Now....he says some very nasty things about more than a few places. I'm not going to nit-pick on his details, but I certainly think this is a subject few will speak openly about. I'm calling it 'the ugly side' since I don't want traffic to my blog by creeps looking for certain services.

A few years back, I was coming out of a fabulous posh 5 - star type hotel in a Middle East country. Now, this particular hotel I used to frequent quite a bit - great pool, lovely place to sit and have coffee etc......not to mention the folks who work there are absolutely tops (I helped pay for my university by working as a hotel desk clerk). Being a typical 5-star type place, it's very easy to use the valet parking. I got to know by face, and a few by name, the men who worked parking the cars and opening doors etc. These men all came from other countries - all over Africa, India and the Philippines to name a few. Well...now to the story....

I came out from the hotel one day, rather early in the morning, to collect my 'vehicle of choice'. I was chatting with one of the bellmen about how busy the hotel had been blah blah blah.....friendly small talk, when a man comes out of the hotel looking like he just rolled out of bed. He was accompanied by two women, who were dressed reasonably well, but it was pretty obvious that the women were uncomfortable in their surroundings. The women looked nervous, and their clothes were not of the best quality unlike what the typical woman guest at this hotel would wear. Each woman got in her own car (older, basic, run-down looking) and drove off - not a single good-bye said to the man. The man sauntered back into the hotel.

Well, the bellman I had been chatting with and I just looked at each other. I shook my head and said, "Never a dull moment is there? God help those poor women." And his reply to me? "God help that poor man." Yup, the bellman who probably only makes $1000 (US) a month looked at the man staying at the fancy 5-star hotel with pity.

'Classy' is not defined by the hotels you stay in and what you wear but by how you treat your fellow human beings. That morning, the bellman was the classiest guy there.

Peace.