The Mommy Track

I recently joined a women's bible study group. I am so loving it. We spend way more time just talking/sharing, however, then we do actually reading/studying the bible.  But that's ok. It feels like a very safe healing kind of space to be there.

I am amazed at how many women here grapple with the "What should I do with my life" question. For instance, take a stay home mom. She feels guilty that she's staying at home and not out working/earning $/using her education.  Then take a working mom; she feels guilty/bad about not staying home.  Why do we do this to ourselves in this country?

For me...I want to go back to 'paid' employment for two reasons: I am bored during the day while the munchkins are at school, and I really want to be putting more money into college savings accounts (I want to contribute financially because I can). 

I feel like women here are under this deep cultural pressure to 'be perfect.' The model to fit is the perfectly fit woman who can wear super high heels all day, has a rocking awesome career, keeps the house totally perfect looking all the time, has all the time in the world for the kids, and manages to do extra things like making snacks for ball games etc..  What the %$#& ? Why do we do this to ourselves? 

I don't know any living breathing woman on any continent who fits this model.

My typical day: up around 6am, get munchkins to school. Drink coffee, eat breakfast. Read the news/blog. Walk the dog/water garden/house chores. Grocery shopping/run errands. If out and about, stop at drive through fast food place for obscenely large unsweet iced tea because I CAN (totally guilty pleasure for me).  Read book while waiting for munchkins. Collect munchkins from school/bus stop. Begin afternoon of munchkin activities (sports, kid friends, homework help etc....).  Cook dinner. Husband arrives. Eat dinner. Watch junk on TV. Go to bed.

My shoes of choice? Jambu brand (because they hold my orthotics) or for 'styling' my Marc Jacobs flats that look like mice with little spikes on them. Very flat, very me. My 'mouse shoes' are the only designer anything I own. My husband gave them to me after I'd been drooling over them at the Marc Jacobs brand store for like two years.

My house has NEVER looked perfect.  A good friend of mine used to arrange furniture etc for photo shoots for a home/garden magazine in South Africa.  She told me that those big fancy houses in the magazine never look like what is in the photos.  They are usually strewn with socks, toys, dirty dishes just like my house!

I walk my dog for fitness. Fitness for the dog.

I do make a lot of time for my kids which is why I don't work full-time. Something had to give somewhere.

Making snacks? Forget that. I buy them. I'm so loving being back in the land of pre-packaged snack size everything.  Well, except for Nutella.  I have not seen that in snack sizes yet which is a very good thing since that stuff is way too yummy to be legal. (My kids call it 'crack').

Enjoy life. Chill out. Love on your family. (I frequently need to be reminded to actually do this stuff. Well, I do love on my family. That's easy.)

Peace.

Wake-up and smell the pollen

The pollen here has been so thick, that local creeks and lakes are covered in yellow 'slicks'.  My whole house has been sniffling.  But, it is so lovely to have crisp comfortable mornings to enjoy walking my dog.

We had a lovely 'Spring Break.' Spent time on the beach, hung out with the grandparents and other family. Got to spend time with a 'long time' friend from my college days and her parents. Just a very cool week.

Coming back 'home', I have really had the question bearing down on me of  'what's next?'.  The munchkins are mostly settled, the husband is mostly settled, so how about me? What do I do with my time while munchkins are at school? 

While working towards getting certain US credentials/bits of paper brought up to snuff in order to make a bold attempt at a full-time job, I find myself reading a lot as usual.

I just finished reading Dance of the Dissident Daughter by Sue Monk Kidd.  I had heard about this book, but being overseas had not seen a copy of it. Seriously interesting book.  For me, it wasn't her theological statements or proclamations on doctrine that I found so very interesting (no real surprises there....), but what was very interesting to me was the deep pain this woman experienced.  This book read like a piece written by someone with serious religious 'battle' scars.

I am almost finished reading When God was a Woman by Merlin Stone.  The title is a bit deceiving. It's an exploration using various texts, archeology and to a degree what I would call 'word study' of how the Middle East, near Middle East and North Africa shifted over time from being a predominantly goddess worshipping region to a predominantly god worshipping region.  I am in the last chapter, and it has been a very interesting read.  Not sure if I totally agree with all the points made in the book, but it is a very interesting read none the less. I am particularly interested in the take the author makes on how to interpret Adam and Eve, the serpent and the tree in the garden. As I read it, Stone looks at the story of Adam and Eve as an answer to goddess worship that favors the worship of a masculine deity over the worship of a feminine deity that was found throughout the geographical area listed above at the time the history of the Hebrew people were being written in the books we'd now recognize in the Bible.

For years now, I wanted to know more about these ancient religions that were so vehemently and often violently hated and feared that we read about in the old testament books. Kind of like how I like to see what books folks are trying to have banned from various libraries. I like to know 'why' and 'what' about these kinds of things.


As I sat here typing this, I have been on and off hold for the last three hours working on getting my paperwork in order so I can get a job in one of my fields of study. Totally utterly manic. And I thought paperwork etc in the mid-East was nuts.  This is day 4 of trying to get this mess cleared up. And the original paperwork error wasn't even mine.

Wake up and smell the pollen. It's crazy everywhere.

Peace..

Too much exposure too soon?

I had a very interesting conversation with a couple of moms a few days ago.  They seemed to be totally utterly horrified that I allow my daughter to read a variety of books including the Twilight series.

My daughter is in 6th grade.  She's a very bright munchkin, and it is very hard to find books that hold her interest. She is currently reading Marley & Me by John Grogan.  She is really enjoying it.  I have read it, and we discuss various points in the book. We have had a tough time finding books that have words she doesn't recognize in books that are written for her age level (a requirement of her teacher).

With the Twilight series, we have discussed the more mature themes in the books.  We have also talked about how I feel that the plot shows how abusive relationships can begin with one partner separating the other from family and friends. Yes, this is mature stuff.  But, rather than hide the 'badness' in the world, I'd rather talk about it and identify it for what it is. Do we talk about EVERYTHING yet, well no. But, we are talking about a lot.  If I get questions from my munchkins than I give mature detailed honest answers.

Along a similar theme, I just saw a news bit on ABC's Good Morning America about a mom who takes her 9 year old to Victoria's Secret to buy underwear because it's 'pretty'.  The backlash against her seems really loud and strong.  Hmmm.....  The undies I see in there that would fit a child look just like what I see at Justice (a store aimed at tweens).  They also look like the colorful cute cotton Calvin Klein ones I have seen at big department stores. I've bought the Calvin Klein ones; I've bought undies at Justice for my Munchkin #2. Would I take my daughter into a Victoria's Secret at this point? If she asked, I would.  But, we would talk about the pictures in the store.  We'd talk about what they are marketing in addition to undies. Munchkin #2 walked by a big name lingerie type store in the mall one time and proclaimed, "That place looks weird."  We talked about it. Why did she think it looked weird? How did I feel about it? How does a store like that mesh or not mesh with our family's values?  As a parent, I deeply believe that the worst thing we can do is to ignore what makes us uncomfortable.  Because I can pretty much guarantee if it's making us uncomfortable our kids are thinking about it and likely talking about it with their friends.

Which brings me to the next point. Why don't we hear about stuff like this with boys? Nobody talks about the insanely artificial looking men we see in pop culture. Nobody talks about the imagery of women around men where the women are 'eye candy'.  Is anyone talking about how the imagery of debasing women to the level of 'eye candy' is affecting our boys? Maybe it's time to talk about how this stuff affects boys as well.

Peace.