Prom Season

http://www.cnn.com/2013/05/13/opinion/simmons-girls-proms/?iref=obinsite

I just read this article on CNN about how horrible and damaging proms are. Every year I read stuff about how horrible bad they are, and I read how wonderful they are.  Clearly there are some conflicting points of view out there.

I find it fascinating how much focus prom gets from people. At the end of the day, it's a school dance. That's it. It is just a school dance. So, I guess I'm going to add a tad more focus.

So...let me back up for a minute.

When I was a high school student, I attended a number of formal and semi-formal events. I saw parties that were very exclusive - society kind of things held at country clubs etc. I even attended now and then.  Those types of parties were designed to exclude. Each host or hostess was allowed to invite 20 people. Again, very exclusive. One of my best friends didn't get on the invite list to a particularly anticipated party. I asked one of the hosts, who happened to be my boy friend at the time, if he could get her in.  He told me he couldn't at that point; it was out of his hands. My friend was devastated. My boyfriend was invited to several of these types of functions because he had been a 'host' at one. I didn't make those guest lists because I wasn't fully part of the 'correct' social circle. No, I am not bitter. I had an amazing senior year of high school because I made it an amazing year. 

The flip side is prom. In the same community, most of the proms that year were held at country clubs. Anyone in the high school who was a junior or senior could buy a ticket and go, and the tickets were not hideously pricey as I recall. So, if you really wanted that 'exclusive' feeling kind of party experience the prom was your chance. I went to the prom, but it was a quiet night. No flashy limo, my dress was made by a lady in the community from a pattern and fabric I bought with my mom, and my boyfriend at the time and I went out for a simple quiet dinner together. I had, I think, more fun than a lot of the girls who went all out $-wise with the dresses and hair and and and and........ I was relaxed. I knew it wasn't the biggest night of my life. That's the difference isn't it? I KNEW it wasn't the biggest night of my life. If prom is one of the biggest nights of your life than what are you going to do with the other 60-70 years or so?

So now, back to the present day. As a mom of two kids who are in or entering the teen years, we are already talking about this kind of stuff. I am teaching my kids that prom is not the be all to end all. At the end of the day, it is just a school dance. Life is long and can be full of adventure. There is college/university, there are passports to use, plane tickets to buy, careers and possible families to pursue. Ok, I didn't get invited to some exclusive parties, but what have I done? I've worked as a marine biologist, I've helped more kids than I can count achieve their academic goals, I've provided spiritual guidance to more teenagers than I can count, I've done all kinds of stuff in the Middle East getting to rub shoulders with some brilliant church leaders, I've traveled.  Most important of all to me is I am in a beautiful family. And, I'm not done yet!  As I sit here typing this, I have no clue what's coming next for me. I am in a career holding pattern (ah, the not so wonderful side of being a returning ex-pat). But, I know there are good things coming. And none of it had anything to do with my senior prom back in high school.  I can't change the whole 'prom' thing, but I can affect my own attitude about it and hopefully my kids' attitudes about it as well. It's just a school dance.

Peace.

To Bikini or Not to Bikini

Ok. Really. Let me just say one thing first - CULTURE!!!

When we were living in the Middle East - Dubai specifically, we lived for a number of years on the palm tree shaped island of Palm Jumeriah. I loved to lay on the beach or go for a quick snorkel. I would see women on the beach totally covered up - all in black.  I would see women who wore 'burkinis' - all covered up but hands, face and feet showing. And, I would see women in bikinis. The bikinis ranged from barely covering to mostly covering showing some lower back and belly.  I almost never ever saw a one piece bathing suit on that beach.

The only times I ever saw one piece suits they were on American women. I did see lots of women who were 'plus sizes' like US 16+ wearing bikinis. That's right. 16+ in bikinis.

Feeling fabulously liberated by this, I bought a stack of bikinis. Frankly, in high heat they are more comfortable.  I own two Speedo brand bikinis  to wear under my 'skins' for when I snorkel. I like a bikini over a one piece for loads of reasons.

Now that I am back in the States, the whole bikini thing is back in debate. My daughter, a big bikini lover, is wearing her old tank-ini suit thing because she has heard other girls' mothers complain about letting girls wear bikinis. Really? I am rather frustrated [insert grumble grumble] that some other mothers have made my daughter concerned about her body. My daughter who spent 6 years in the Middle East and has only been in the States a few months. [grumble]

It is all about culture folks. Some places I have traveled, the women go topless on the beach. Other places, the women dress totally in black including covering the face. Do the women on the topless beaches get harassed by men? Likely not - the men are used to it.  I have seen men stare at women on multiple continents no matter what the women were wearing.  It is all about how the MEN are raised. It is all about cultural context.

The only time I have ever 'been seriously approached' by a man it was when I was still working as a marine biologist. I was in the United States.  I had just trailered a 21ft boat by myself with a brand new diesel 4X4 standard transmission truck and was proceeding to offload all kinds of surveying equipment from the boat.  Every single man on that dock stopped and stared at me. One man came up to me and very politely asked, "Ma'am, are you married?" I told him that I was. He said, "Ok. Thanks. I just had to ask."  Why did every man stop and stare at me? I think it was because I was different. How many girls like being out on a boat all day AND know how to drive it, trailer it and take care of it? Probably not that many. I was wearing, at the time, longish very ugly men's cargo shorts (they didn't make them for women back then), a very baggy ugly dirty t-shirt, and a men's ball cap with a fish hook on the brim, and bulky sunglasses around my neck with a very dirty pair of Sperry deckshoes/topsiders to round off my oh so sexy look. [insert sarcasm].  Doing water quality studies and surveying all day I was not exactly clean and tidy. I smelled horrid and looked worse. My father used to call me a 'muck scientist' since I was always covered in muck. Yet, I was appealing to those men on the dock. Appealing enough that one of them would come ask me if I was married!

What any person wears projects messages to the world. Those messages can change based on the cultural context in which those 'messages' are being viewed. Snorkeling on the UAE/Omani border near Musandam once, I was helping my husband put together our inflatable kayak at our vehicle. I was completely covered wearing dive 'skins' (a lycra suit thing - very comfortable, keeps me from burning when I'm out for hours). I am a slightly chunky forty something-ish mom now. My being out there like that nearly caused two traffic accidents because local men kept slowing down to look at me. My husband actually made me get in the car to wait until he put the kayak together. I wasn't breaking any laws, and I was with my husband. The local men were not used to seeing a woman dressed like I was and doing what I was doing. My husband thought it was because I kept bending over working on the kayak.  So I tried squatting down rather than bending at the waist. It didn't help the situation. Yet, I was totally covered up! Cultural context folks. No one would have given me a second look in Belize except to maybe think, "Wow. Cool, a pontoon kayak for two people." And in the States? Ditto about the kayak, and no one would care except to think, "Sheesh, she needs to lose weight." Even though America is generally an over-weight kind of place, we are very tough on how women look in this culture.

So, back to the bikini question. I am allowing my daughter to wear a bikini any time she wants here in the United States. My rule is that it must be comfortable and stay on her body if she is sliding/body surfing/snorkeling or whatever. And, I'm going to go out an see if I can find a new one for me since my favorite one is wearing out. And, I'll be looking for it in a size 14 or 16 U.S.  As long as a woman isn't breaking any laws, she should be able to wear whatever she wants. Ditto for men. Why don't we try raising our boys to respect women and a woman's right to choose and a woman's right to express herself?

Peace.

Post script....I bought a fab new bikini at JCPenney. Very happy with it! Thanks local store for stocking lots to choose from!

Teens Dating - Frightening Stuff

If you are a kid, stop reading this. Now.

I just read this story on ABC News:

http://abcnews.go.com/US/florida-cheerleader-denies-felony-charge-lesbian-relationship/story?id=19225512

What I find especially interesting about this story is not the fact this is about two kids involved in a same gender relationship, but that teenagers who are 18 can get into so much trouble for dating a younger teenager.  I hear moms in my neighborhood/community talk about this issue all the time.

Personally, I think the maturity gap between an 18 year old and a 14 year old is rather wide in most cases. Do I think the older girl involved in this story deserved to be sent to an alternative school? I don't know.  But, as a parent I find the possibility that an 18 year old kid could get into legal trouble dating a 16 or 17 year old kid frightening. If an 18 year old gets into trouble because of a consensual relationship with a fellow high school student who is younger than 18, then that 18 year old could be labeled as a sexual offender with their name and address published for the whole world to see. These kids become, I believe, convicted felons.  Adults who are sexual predators should be held accountable for their vile actions by the legal system.  I just wonder if as a society we are going a step too far in dealing with our teenagers. I have no idea 'how far' a relationship between kids has to go before it could result in legal troubles. Do you? Do most parents? Or are we just guessing?

So, the question is, in my mind, how do we deal with these kinds of legal issues as a society? Do we forbid our kids to date? In many cultures dating is not allowed along with massive and sometimes dangerous repercussions for kids who get caught dating (really frightening). Do we just say, oh who cares. Let an 18 year old have a boyfriend/girlfriend relationship with a 14 year old?  I do think that there is likely too wide a maturity gap between a 14 year old and an 18 year old to be in a 'relationship'. At the same time, how can we handle these types of things appropriately within our legal system?  And, as is the case sometimes, how should it be handled if a younger child is attacked by an older child within the same family? Mental health services, felony conviction?  I just don't know.

I had a very serious talk with my munchkins about this. Because part of this discussion, I feel, needs to be how we talk with our kids about sex. There are so many grey areas - this is all not just about the basic actions that could cause a pregnancy. There are just so very many ways kids can and do experiment. So what's a parent to do? How do we best protect our kids? Well, I believe the first thing  you have to do is talk about it. You have to talk about ALL of it. We need to wake-up and realize that these grey areas are out there and that if we don't talk about them with our children they may think, 'Hey, this is ok for me to try this because it is not actually sex (according to whatever definition they think is associated with the word 'sex')'.  If we don't educate our own children, then who will? 

I am not a lawyer. I don't know diddly squat about some aspects of our legal system, but I do know that some things scare me as a parent.  And this is one of them.

Peace.

Arthritis pain or not arthritis pain - that is the question (TMJ)

After a recent trip to the dentist, Munchkin #2's left jaw joint (the TMJ) was popping in and out of place. It was hurting for her to open her mouth wide. After using a heat pack and lots of Aleve, it was time to call the rheumatologist.

So...was this just a freak thing after being in the dentist's chair, or was this a sign of things to come?

After phoning the rheumatologist's office, they deemed that my munchkin needed to be seen. At the appointment, they couldn't confirm, or deny, if it is arthritis. They did prescribe a very low dose muscle relaxer to be taken at bedtime and to continue with the Aleve. They also told me that when they have pediatric arthritis patients present with TMJ, they refer them on to an orthodontist. Well, it just so happens that Munchkin #2 has an orthodontist appointment today because they need to do x-rays and put in her expanders. The rheumatology office told me to discuss the situation with our orthodontist before he does the x-rays.

This kind of stuff makes me nuts. I really wish things were simple with medical stuff.  I remember when my daughter would get a little ache or pain and I'd think, "Ah, it's nothing." Now, I freak and tremble at every little thing. Is it arthritis? Is this a flare coming on?

I have to remind myself that there are so very many kids living with this disease and there are so very many who have it so much worse than my munchkin.

In the meantime, normal teenager stuff goes on like getting rigged out for getting braces in a few months.

Peace.

Rheumatoid Arthritis and Teeth Problems

Well, Munchkin #2 is heading for the dentist again today. You can imagine my surprise/horror at finding out that she has cavities in 4 adult molars, one on each side top and bottom.  Immediately, the hygienist proclaimed that Munchkin #2 is not brushing her teeth.  I know that my munchkins brush their teeth!

I know that both my kids brush and go through the same amount of toothpaste. But why does #2 get a boatload of cavities while the other does not? Is this some weird arthritis related thing?

Here is the first bit I found:
http://voices.yahoo.com/how-rheumatoid-arthritis-affects-oral-health-300316.html

I know that my munchkin has wrist pain. But, since I'm not her I never really know how severe or mild it is.  So, are the back teeth becoming coated with plaque because it hurts her wrists to brush back there? Does it hurt her jaw to brush back there? 

We recently had Munchkin #2 tested for dry eye - all the tests came up negative. She has never complained of problems with her eyes, but I am starting to wonder if she has something going on with salivary glands.

In the meantime, she is using an electric toothbrush, and we'll buy her a 'Waterpick' which she is going to need anyway once she gets her braces on.

I am seeing all kinds of stuff on the internet about periodontal disease triggering RA. I have also seen that wheat/gluten can trigger RA, I have been asked if intense exercise can trigger RA, I have heard that our 'dirty world' can trigger RA, I have heard that meat can trigger RA. It goes on and on and on. As far as I know, we don't know what triggers RA. I suspect (and I'm not a doc or anything!) that there is a genetic predisposition. Immunological issues run on both my side and my husband's side of the family.

The next bit I found:
http://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC3280043/ This is a more scholarly look at the issue.

So....it seems to me that yes, more research is needed into the possible link between RA and periodontal disease. What is interesting is that many people (including a few health professionals I know) are not really aware of this.

Peace.
 

Becoming a Scientist

http://www.slate.com/articles/health_and_science/science/2013/05/kiera_wilmot_s_chemistry_explosion_is_she_more_like_oliver_sacks_or_dzhokhar.html


I have a passion for science. I have a degree in it, I've taught it some, and I teach my munchkins as much as they will tolerate.

When I read this story, I couldn't believe it. The 'experiment' that this girl does was one that was part of my Chemistry I class my sophomore year of high school.  It was wicked cool.  I will never forget doing that experiment. What we didn't do, however, was cap it. We didn't try to bottle the gas. And, we did it under the supervision of our chemistry teacher with a lengthy lab write-up due at the end.

No, I don't know the full story with this particular student in the Slate article. But, what I DO know is that kids will muck about in a lab if given the chance. Did Ms. Wilmot conduct her experiment in a science lab or tucked away in the back of the girls' bathroom? Was this done with tools/ingredients from home or from a school lab? Lots of questions I hope the authorities involved are considering. Because frankly, the vast majority of teenagers who would think this is an interesting thing to try are NOT criminal types.  They are usually the types who hang out in the library, cram in extra lab time for extra credit because it's fun, and dream about places like MIT or Stanford.

My own budding engineer, Munchkin #1, just completed a home made fountain. The water flows down the little waterfall each time the toilet is flushed. It is made out of a plastic planter, rocks, painters plastic and junk from our garage. Is it crazy? Yes. Did it make a mess all over the bathroom until he got the design right? Yes. Is it wicked cool? Totally. Munchkin #1 dreams of attending MIT.

My budding biologist, Munchkin #2, is very interested in all things slimy, squishy, and having to do with 'guts'. We once bought a squid at the fish counter so she could dissect it because she heard that squids had beaks, and she wanted to see the beak. So, armed with my invertebrate zoology lab manual, a plastic cutting board and a kitchen knife, at grade 2 Munchkin #2 performed her first dissection.  In grade 5, her brother gave her a human anatomy set complete with 'surgical' tools, a book and rubber innards. Munchkin #2 squealed when she opened that birthday present and offered her brother the "first surgery" since he made it all possible. Weird? Yes. But, my daughter is still thinking about becoming a doctor which is totally awesome.

As a little kid, I watched an episode of CHIPS on TV. In one episode, a bottle bleach mixed with a bottle of soda pop creating a chlorine gas mess. I can't tell you how much I wanted to try experimenting with that as a kid. I did know kids who tried stuff like this. I would, however, go and probe at dead fish out on the beach instead. I'm still fascinated by aquatic creatures; must be why I got a degree in it!

If you are interested, there is a petition on change.org that is 'working' to help out Ms. Wilmot:
http://www.change.org/petitions/state-attorney-jerry-hill-drop-charges-against-kiera-wilmot 

The world may seem to be going nuts around us, but that doesn't give us the right to go crazy with it. It means that we have the obligation to see that sanity is maintained or in some cases restored.

Here's to science for peaceful purposes!

Peace.

 

Can we please have a little gun control?

Yes, I am a liberal blogger.  Either be ok with that or don't read this blog.

Just saw the news out of Houston.

http://www.khou.com/news/local/Shots-reportedly-fired-at-Bush-Intercontinental-Airport-205835961.html

Some man walked into Terminal B with an AR-15 rifle. He fired a few shots with it then shot himself with a pistol.  I've been to Terminal B.  I've been to Terminal B with my children.

I have no issue with people owning weapons. A number of men in my family have served my country in the US military and own firearms.  I have on more than one occasion enjoyed eating ground venison mixed with ground wild hog as burgers (yummy) thanks to friends who hunt.  My Munchkin #2 owns a bow (the kind you shoot, not the hair kind) and she LOVES shooting arrows into hay bales. I have owned a number of large dive knives over the years.

What I have issue with is why on earth does the average citizen need to own something like an AR-15 rifle?  Here's a link from Cabela's on-line catalogue for one:

 http://www.cabelas.com/catalog/product.jsp?productId=1143590 

Reading the comments from the catalogue for this rifle, the thing shoots easily 250 rounds (that's bullets) in 30 minutes. You can get a 30 round magazine (that's 30 bullets without needing to reload) for it. While I appreciate wanting to have protection from a home intruder and eating the occasional legally obtained wild critter, WHY on earth would any civilian need a gun that shoots 30 bullets without needing to reload?  I understand that some folks do shooting competitions (ie sport) etc....but again WHY on earth would the average civilian need a gun that shoots 30 bullets without needing a reload?

I am so glad that the report out of Houston is not worse than it is. Imagine the horror this guy with the AR-15 could have done had he been an accurate shot and felt like being evil.

Gun control. Now.

Peace.

(Post edit:  My father told me that an AR-15 can fire more like 250 rounds in 30 seconds but you have to change the magazines very quickly.)

 

Airlines' Various Fees and services - from Cattle Class to First Class

http://www.abc17news.com/news/frontier-adds-fees-for-carryon-bags-and-sodas/-/18421100/19973944/-/gv12xr/-/index.html

I am a very frequent traveler. I've had to add pages to my passport. Even though I am no longer an 'ex-pat', I still will be buying a number of plane tickets every year. The United States is a big place, and I would rather fly than drive 24 - 30+ hours across it.  I'm even hoping to buy a basic vehicle to keep at my farm so I don't have to drive between my primary residence and the farm across the country.

I was shocked to hear on the news this morning that Frontier Airlines is adding fees for a very basic beverage like coffee and fees for carry-on bags that go in the overhead. Really? Really?

I have flown Southwest Airlines many many many times. I must admit that it has been a number of years since I have flown them, but I never had a bad experience flying them. It was low cost but comfortable for short hops. However, it felt tiresome for longer runs (like Dallas to Las Vegas to change planes and on to Salt Lake City).  But, we made that run from Dallas to Utah because we had enough airtime with Southwest that we flew the whole family for free [this was about 10 years ago]. It was worth it to fly what I call 'cattle class' to get the free flights. Yes, 'cattle class'.  We even moo as we board the plane.

Now, to Frontier.  I have flown them once.  I flew with both my kids in and out of Denver for a family wedding. The tickets were a reasonable price compared to others.  The plane itself felt very no frills. But, it felt like cattle class to the extreme. Yes, it was lower priced, but if they are going to start charging for simple things like carry-ons and coffee they may not be low priced enough. Now, the news story I linked to above says that if you buy your ticket via the Frontier website you won't have to pay the baggage fees. So.....if someone buys tickets via some travel website, will they be informed of the extra baggage fees in an easy to understand manner or will they have to read through page after page of legal-eeze?  I'm thinking so much for customer service.

I have also had the extreme pleasure of flying first class on Lufthansa in and out of Frankfurt. It was awesome. Awesome, awesome, awesome.  We arrived at our destination rested and relaxed. Awesome.

So...why am I talking about 'cattle class' and first class in the same post? Because I have flown coach class with a number of carriers and had drastically different experiences.

Many years ago, I flew from an airport in East Texas by myself with a infant to an airport very close to the Canadian/US border. I paid for two seats.  I was traveling with my backpack, a small diaper bag, a baby carrier and a stroller. I flew American Airlines. I knew that part of my journey would require that I descend stairs from the airport to access the tarmac in order to climb another set of stairs to board the plane. I informed American when I purchased the tickets that I would need assistance at this point in the journey. When I went to board, no help came. I couldn't figure out how to find an elevator. Other passengers ended up helping me. On the return journey, I forgot to pick up my 'bistro meal' bag as I boarded the plane. I was a breast feeding mom and this was going to be a roughly four hour flight. I needed food even yucky tasting food! I was informed that since I forgot to pick up my bag, there wasn't anything anyone could do about it.  Even IF American has changed their policies and/or this was just a 'blip', for me it was a big deal. I will never willingly choose American again.

I've had great experiences flying coach with other airlines. Delta is one of my favorites. I have always had excellent service. If U.S. based airlines want to keep their customers, they need to look at their service.

 Again, paying extra for a not exactly wonderful cup of coffee?  Is Frontier slipping from cattle class to hog hauler? We'll wait and see.

Peace.