I have not sat down to write for quite some time now, obviously. But, I've been doing some reading, and I've been in some discussions lately that spurred me towards my keyboard.
Back when my daughter was going through confirmation, the confirmation class was asked to sign 'purity pledges'. To be clear, the purity pledges are not just about abstaining from sex until you are married, but they are also about not polluting one's self with booze, tobacco, and drugs. Yes, these are all things you don't want to see kids partaking of. But let's talk about that pledge.....
The take-away for our family from the whole 'purity pledge' experience was that God doesn't need us to sign a card or wear a ring to make a promise. And, there is tremendous social pressure on a kid to sign that card.
So.....which brings up a few sticky bits....
How does an intelligent young adult deal with the likely-hood of not getting married until they are in their late 20's? I know in our family, we all hope that the kids finish college first before getting married. However, my husband and I broke that 'rule'. We were so sick of the chaos of living in the dorms, and the chaos of roommate changes that we looked at each other and thought, "Perfect roomy is right here! And we're gonna get married anyway! Weddings just take forever to plan." But, by breaking the rules, so to speak, my grades went up, I got an awesome roommate, and I no longer had to deal with being around all the drinking/partying etc..that was all part of dormitory life. And, I'm happily married to that same roommate now 20 years later. How would I have felt had I been made to sign a purity pledge? I don't know, but I can imagine it wouldn't have been good. And if I hadn't gotten off that college campus, I don't know if I would have graduated in my chosen major, Marine Biology.
So for me, a heterosexual female, I did feel weird around more conservative Christian folks because of my chosen living situation back in those days as we planned our wedding. Which, I think, is sad. Because I was trying to keep myself as far away from the college party scene as I could get, but I was afraid I was going to be judged badly. And in some cases, I was judged. Darned if you do and darned if you don't.
So what does a homosexual student go through? When a homosexual student is pressured into signing a purity pledge, how does that affect them? Not only do many states not allow them to marry, but even in cases where the state allows it, their church may not allow them to marry. So are they condemned to living their lives totally alone without the lifelong companionship of a spouse? It's gotta be like getting hit with a double whammy. Darned if you do and darned if you don't.
Moving on...I was reading some pretty horrifying statistics on the number of people in American society who have been sexually abused or are currently being sexually abused. Because of the dynamics of abuse, I can't fathom how a kid who is being sexually abused might feel being pressured into signing a purity pledge.
So how do we deal with sex as a church? Right now, we deal with it badly most of the time. It is just so much easier to say 'DON'T' and leave it at that. However, the realities of life call for us to look at a deeper form of ministry if we are really going to be of use to the young people in our congregations. We can't shy away from the tough topics. We have to be bold faced honest in our conversations. We have to admit that reality happens and that a flat 'DON'T' just doesn't cut it. We need to broaden the conversation rather then just barking an order.
Peace.
Back when my daughter was going through confirmation, the confirmation class was asked to sign 'purity pledges'. To be clear, the purity pledges are not just about abstaining from sex until you are married, but they are also about not polluting one's self with booze, tobacco, and drugs. Yes, these are all things you don't want to see kids partaking of. But let's talk about that pledge.....
The take-away for our family from the whole 'purity pledge' experience was that God doesn't need us to sign a card or wear a ring to make a promise. And, there is tremendous social pressure on a kid to sign that card.
So.....which brings up a few sticky bits....
How does an intelligent young adult deal with the likely-hood of not getting married until they are in their late 20's? I know in our family, we all hope that the kids finish college first before getting married. However, my husband and I broke that 'rule'. We were so sick of the chaos of living in the dorms, and the chaos of roommate changes that we looked at each other and thought, "Perfect roomy is right here! And we're gonna get married anyway! Weddings just take forever to plan." But, by breaking the rules, so to speak, my grades went up, I got an awesome roommate, and I no longer had to deal with being around all the drinking/partying etc..that was all part of dormitory life. And, I'm happily married to that same roommate now 20 years later. How would I have felt had I been made to sign a purity pledge? I don't know, but I can imagine it wouldn't have been good. And if I hadn't gotten off that college campus, I don't know if I would have graduated in my chosen major, Marine Biology.
So for me, a heterosexual female, I did feel weird around more conservative Christian folks because of my chosen living situation back in those days as we planned our wedding. Which, I think, is sad. Because I was trying to keep myself as far away from the college party scene as I could get, but I was afraid I was going to be judged badly. And in some cases, I was judged. Darned if you do and darned if you don't.
So what does a homosexual student go through? When a homosexual student is pressured into signing a purity pledge, how does that affect them? Not only do many states not allow them to marry, but even in cases where the state allows it, their church may not allow them to marry. So are they condemned to living their lives totally alone without the lifelong companionship of a spouse? It's gotta be like getting hit with a double whammy. Darned if you do and darned if you don't.
Moving on...I was reading some pretty horrifying statistics on the number of people in American society who have been sexually abused or are currently being sexually abused. Because of the dynamics of abuse, I can't fathom how a kid who is being sexually abused might feel being pressured into signing a purity pledge.
So how do we deal with sex as a church? Right now, we deal with it badly most of the time. It is just so much easier to say 'DON'T' and leave it at that. However, the realities of life call for us to look at a deeper form of ministry if we are really going to be of use to the young people in our congregations. We can't shy away from the tough topics. We have to be bold faced honest in our conversations. We have to admit that reality happens and that a flat 'DON'T' just doesn't cut it. We need to broaden the conversation rather then just barking an order.
Peace.
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Be peaceful and respectful.