Thoughts on Changing Churches

See these fish? I took this picture recently doing some river snorkeling. I'm like that really confused looking fish that's looking into the camera as if to say, "Gee, which way am I supposed to swim?"

I've posted previously that I'm staying in my current church even though I don't feel it really 'fits' my spiritual needs and my family's spiritual needs anymore. Well....that might be changing.

I'm just not comfortable being surrounded by so very many conservative Christians. So let's tease this out, with 'Why'.

I was asked recently to listen to a bit of a book called The Good Girls Guide to Great Sex by Sheila Wray Gregoire (basically a sex book written for Christian women). Now, this might be a totally great book, but I couldn't even handle listening to the intro/first chapter. I couldn't get past the whole 'good girl' thing.  In the eyes of a number of Christians I've been around, I'm not a totally 'good girl'.  I never have been, and I never will be. I'm sooooooo not perfect.  How can I get into what might be a really great message when all I'm hearing in my head is, "You are not good enough. You will never be good enough. Screw you. You are never invited to have lunch with us. You are never invited to do anything with us. You so don't fit in with us. Screw you."  Yeah, harsh, but so true. 

But lately, what really gets to me is when I see the 'church face' and then the 'real world face'.  Which means, when someone is one way at church and then a totally different way outside of church. Or, it means, to me at least, when someone just really really seems like they are totally not keeping things real. I sincerely hope that with me, what you see is what you get. I'm not perfect, but I work hard, I'm loyal, and I love God. 
I've had times in life when I've gone to church and came home thinking, "Wow. I love God. I love the church. What a totally awesome morning."  Then, there have been other times when I've gone to church and came home thinking, "Wow. That was not not nice. I'm just feeling so angry and touchy and just plain old pissed off. That was just totally utterly miserable. I feel REALLY far from God now."  When I come home from church feeling just plain old pissed off it usually means that God is pushing me to be elsewhere where I am of greater service to God. And mostly right now, I come home from church feeling just plain old pissed off.
My family visited a new church for us this last week. It was a great experience. Even my kids went, "Wow, the time went by so fast." And when you're talking about a communion service, to my mind that says that there was some good connecting going on for my kids. 
Will we change churches and thus denominations? Only time will tell. But in the meantime, I'll continue to pray, I'll continue to read my Bible, and I'll continue to try to not feel pissed off. 
Peace.